Golden Rules to a Successful Commonwealth Meeting
by GilaKomik
Summary: or, an intern's guide to Commonwealth Meeting


**Disclaimer : **Not mine, never be mine

**Golden Rules to a Successful Commonwealth Meeting **

**1) Due to the nature of Australia, bushfires are common occurrence. There is no need for panic.  
**_ (I almost have a heart attack – Rwanda)_**  
**_ (You should see the first time Aussie head on fire, everyone just stunned until New Zealand put it off – Cameroon)  
(I need new fire extinguisher – New Zealand)_

**2) If arranging alternate transportation, do not let India drive  
**_ (If I'm cat, all my nine life have been use – Seychelles)  
(Hey! I'm not that __**BAD**__ – India)  
(Yeah right, then why we have to pull Brunei with crowbar from the door? – Malaysia)_

**3) Do not ask Nauru to explain his family tree  
**_ (Why? – Cyprus)  
(Because it involve everything that make certain Nations (damn fujoshi) nose bleeding to death, although there's nothing to begin with – New Zealand) _

**4) Do not seat Pakistan and India next to each other  
**_ (Even England and France fight take time to broke out – Australia)  
(Please seat according the pre-arrange seat people – England)  
(Since when do we follow? – Jamaica)  
(Since, um… never? – Samoa) _

**5) South Africa is no longer allowed to sell, give away or distribute Vuvuzelas  
**_ (Vuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, Sore loser… - South Africa)  
(You git! – England)  
(Hahahaha – Australia)  
(You still have it don't you? – Sri Lanka)_

**6) Do not tease Mauritius about his French heritage or about his size  
**_ (I like his accent – Seychelles)  
(That because you use to live with that pervert frog – England)  
(What size? His vital region or his body? – Ghana)  
(WHO'S SO SMALL THAT YOU NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO ACTUALLY SEE HIM? – Mauritius)  
(Wow… remind me of Edward Elric – Singapore)  
(Fullmetal Alchemist? – Canada) _

**7) Ireland is no longer part of the Commonwealth. Do not let her in  
**_ (Humph… like I care – Ireland)  
(Then, why stalking like Belarus? You almost scare Solomon to death – Botswana)  
(More important thing, why are you here? – Maldives)_

**8) Malaysia is allowed to bring food to the meeting, provide he brings enough to everyone  
**_ (My ears still ringing from my boss lecture for the all the claim I made just to bring food here – Malaysia)  
(If it trouble you much, I will bring the food – England)  
(NOOO!)  
(Do it and die England – Cyprus)_

**9) No sheep jokes  
**_ (Who's the idiot? – Bahamas)  
(Australia, he change New Zealand ringtones to sheep sound – Canada)  
(It's that the reason why the meeting room destroy? – Cameroon)  
(Yes… - Swaziland)_

**10) The projector is not to be use for personal endeavours, including annoying England  
**_ (Damn… where you get that picture Aussie? I want one – Dominica)  
(Japan, he lost bet with me, so I ask him to draw that picture – Australia)  
(You're lucky Hungary not here – Canada)  
(That's one hell of kiss with America – Tanzania)  
(MY EYES! IT'S BURNN! – Nauru) _

**11) Magic are NOT allowed in the meetings  
**_ (Just in the meeting? You should be more specific England – Pakistan)  
(You! Come back here! – India)_

** a) or in the hallways  
**_ (What this is? Hogwarts? – Kenya)  
(I prefer Drumstrang – Saint Lucia)  
(Beauxbatons… - Grenada)_

** b) using it against on the Nation also forbidden  
**_ (It's never been problem before. Why now? – Barbados)  
(Ghana make England voodoo doll and throw it into fish pond – Kenya)  
(Hahahaha… no wonder England smell like fish for whole day! – Australia)  
(England seems to forget that other Nation can do magic too – Gambia)_

**12) It's KOALA BEAR not POLAR BEAR  
**_ (What? – New Zealand)  
(Some Nation try to matchmaking Kumakiki with Australia koala – Canada)  
(Wasn't Kumajirou? – Seychelles)  
(That's just a small problem right? – Nigeria)  
(Have you ever try wash the paint from the koala? White paint? It's not funny mate – Australia)_

**13) When in the meeting, please use PROPER and FORMAL English  
**_ (Comon-lah… dun be like dat, you just jeles with us right? Like dat cannot la! – Malaysia)  
(Oi! Dun u know oreddy, dat England always like dat – Singapore)  
(Hahahahhahahha – Australia) _

**14) Durian are not allowed in cafeteria  
**_ (It's just a cake, not the fruit itself – Malaysia)  
(Same different – England)_

** a) Please see the list of banned food that is no longer allowed in the cafeteria at the door  
**_ (Bloody git! Malaysia! How dare you put scone on banned list! – England)  
(Only if it made by you ***smug*** - Malaysia)  
(Agree… )_

**15) If first time not fun, second time definitely not fun, third time.. I will beat you with hockey stick  
**_ (Okay… what happen? – Bangladesh)  
(Some Nations thinks it funny to keep call Canada, America – Malta)  
(They never see the violent side of Canada, haven't they? – New Zealand)  
(Well… they're now – South Africa) _

**16) Cannibalism is not fun. Please stop telling new member that is welcome party main event  
**_ (Ah… those memories… - Fiji)  
(I still can't believe you bit my arm Fiji – England) _

**17) This is Commonwealth Meeting NOT Commonwealth Games  
**_ (It's not my fault that India keep bragging about her hockey team – Canada)  
(I still think my team better than your team – India)  
(Of course you do – Pakistan)_

** a) or World Summit  
**_ (That's Prussia fault – Australia)  
(Why? – Mauritius)  
(He mess up Germany schedule, since the meeting take at the same building, that guy show up two days early. You should seen his face, red just like tomato – Lesotho)  
(Who are you? Spain? – Kiribati) _

** b) or G8 Meeting  
**_ (Who show up? – Guyana)  
(America. Show up as Canada. He almost pulls it though accept he forgot the bear and that brute strength of him – Cameroon)  
(I lost the bet… - Canada) _

**18) Do not switch your name plate with other nation  
**_ (Spoilsport – Trinidad)  
(Agree…)_

** a) or change it to a new / old name  
**_ (I like my old name – Canada)  
(Newfoundland seem too mouthful to me – Malaysia)_**  
**

**19) Every Nation had stupid laws. Get over with it  
**_ (Did you see Malaysia hair? – South Africa)  
(Yes… What happen? Didn't he proud with that long hair of him. Remind me of France and Poland the way he flick his hair – Seychelles)  
(***snickers*** One of his boss minister really hate a guy with long hair. Especially the singer. He even makes the rule that state the entire male singer must cut their hair short if they want their performance to be aired in TV. Since he the Nation, he has to go first to make the example to other – Singapore)  
(Ah… I see… No wonder he looks gloomy – Nauru)  
(Siiinnggaapppoooorreee! You're dead! –Malaysia)_

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**A/N : The first ten rule aren't mine. It belongs to Raz2b. I found it at Deviantart and can't resist it. **

**Translation for no 13 :  
**- Come on, don't be like that. You just jealous with us right? You can't be like that  
- Hey! Don't you know already, that England always like that

**No 19 :**  
It really happen. 80' and 90' are Rock n Roll golden era. Our Information Minister really asks the male singer to cut their hair. I just happen to see the not-yet-to-confirm sketch character for Malaysia, I have to put this one up.

**Please review ! **


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